Understanding Perfectionism in Anxious Overachievers: 

You worked hard for that A in Math. Studied for days, sometimes all night. The results come back. You see the A, and how close you were to the A+. If only you had gotten that A+. 

Does that sound familiar? 

You're at work. You just completed a task, and your boss doesn't really acknowledge it. "I should have done better. I should have known how to do it the right way."  

Does that sound familiar? 

You're preparing for a dinner party. You've spent hours cleaning and cooking, but you're fixated on a small stain on the tablecloth and the uneven cut of the vegetables. You worry that your guests will judge you for these minor imperfections.

Does that sound familiar? 

If these scenarios resonate with you, you might be struggling with perfectionistic tendencies, a common trait among high-achieving individuals in the Atlanta area.

What is perfectionism? Defining the Relentless Pursuit of Flawlessness

There's a lot of terminology thrown around on social media, with mental health terms sometimes used loosely. So, what actually is perfectionism, and how does it manifest? It's more than just striving for excellence; it's a complex psychological pattern characterized by the relentless pursuit of flawlessness and the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. It is generally characterized into three categories:

• Self-oriented: Setting excessively high personal standards.

• Other-oriented: Imposing unrealistic standards on others.

• Socially-prescribed: Believing others expect perfection from them.

These types manifest as: 

• Unrealistically High Standards: Setting goals and expectations that are often impossible to achieve, creating a constant sense of falling short.

• Intense Criticism: Engaging in harsh self-judgment or judgment of others, focusing on mistakes and perceived failures.

• Fear of Failure: Fear that is so overwhelming that it leads to avoidance, procrastination, or a reluctance to take risks.

• A Sense of Conditional Worth: Believing that worth depends on achievements and how well one meets one's own (or others') standards.

The Root Causes: Why Do High-Functioning Individuals Develop Perfectionistic Traits?

• Early Influences and Learned Behaviors: From a young age, many of us are told to "always do our best." But who defines what "best" is? When does "best" stop? How do we know that we've reached our "best"? While well-intentioned, this idea can create confusion about what "best" truly means. Children may internalize the idea that their worth is tied to their achievements, leading to a lifelong pursuit of external validation. Parents may have modeled perfectionistic behavior or only provided conditional love, where approval is given only when specific standards are met.

• Societal and Cultural Pressures: We live in a world that often equates success with achievement and productivity. The pressure to conform, compete, and succeed can drive individuals to strive for unattainable standards in various aspects of their lives. This happens in the education and work world. In some cultures, like South Asian cultures, parents put pressure on children for boasting rights or because that's what's "expected" in our world - if you're not a doctor or engineer then you're not "good enough." 

• The Role of Social Media and AI: We now have more ways than ever to be bombarded with curated images of "perfect" lives, bodies, and accomplishments, especially as AI takes the world by storm. The carefully constructed online personas we encounter mask the reality of everyday struggles and imperfections. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, social comparison, and the belief that we must measure up to these unrealistic portrayals.

The brain has reward pathways that release a chemical called dopamine when we achieve a goal. This dopamine release creates a sense of pleasure and satisfaction, reinforcing the behavior that led to the reward. But for perfectionists, this feeling is fleeting. Because their standards are so high, the sense of rewards quickly fades, creating a cycle of relentless pursuit as the goals keep getting higher and each achievement provides less satisfaction than the last, fueling the need to strive further. 

Additionally, chronic stress, which often accompanies perfectionism, can disrupt the delicate balance of neurochemicals in the brain. Specifically, it can lead to an overactive amygdala - the brain's emotional center - which heightens feelings of anxiety. This cycle makes it even harder to let go of the need for control and flawlessness.

Who are "Anxious Overachievers"? The Hidden Struggle Behind High Achievement

The signs of perfectionism often go unnoticed or are even praised because the people experiencing them are seen as high achievers and excel in many areas of their lives. Anxious overachievers are exactly that: high-functioning and driven but burning out internally because nothing is ever enough.

Anxious overachievers are constantly worrying about the next achievement, the next award, the next level of success - the next best thing. This can present as:

• Relentless Striving and Control: A constant need to achieve, improve, and control their environment (or others) to prevent perceived errors or negative outcomes, often at the expense of well-being.

• Fear of Disapproval, Judgment, and Failure: High sensitivity to criticism and going to great lengths to avoid judgment from others. A tendency to focus on what they haven't done rather than what they have done. Driven by a high sensitivity to criticism and fear of disapproval, they may avoid tasks or procrastinate due to the fear of imperfection.

• Anxiety-Driven Obsessions and Compulsions: A tendency to focus on minute details and potential flaws, leading to increased stress and difficulty with decision-making. Excessive checking, reassurance seeking, and rigid organizing are all attempts to alleviate anxiety related to perceived imperfections. 

• Self-Doubt and Shame: A deep-seated belief that they are not good enough and that their success is due to luck or external factors, despite all accomplishments.

When It's More Than Just Anxiety

If the anxiety isn't bad enough, there are far more ways in which perfectionism impacts us. The core problem with perfectionism lies in the internalization of the message that we are not "good enough" unless we are constantly doing more and doing better. Perfectionistic behaviors can create a fragile sense of self that is constantly under threat, affecting our capacity for joy, contentment, and genuine connection with others. This has a lot more impact than we sometimes realize. 

The Toll of Perfectionism

• Mental Health Problems: It goes without saying that increased stress leads to increased co-occurrence of more mental health struggles, including generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and eating disorders. 

• Burnout and Exhaustion: The relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion, characterized by fatigue, lack of motivation, decreased productivity, cynicism, and a general sense of being overwhelmed and unable to cope.

• Procrastination and Avoidance: Fear of failure can lead to procrastination, as individuals avoid tasks they fear they won't do perfectly. This can result in a cycle of stress and guilt, decreased productivity, and feelings of inadequacy and self-blame

• Low Self-Esteem: When our sense of worth is tied to our achievements, any perceived failure can lead to feelings of inadequacy, shame, and low self-esteem. 

• Relationship Issues: Perfectionism can strain relationships, as individuals may become overly critical of themselves and others, have difficulty connecting emotionally, or struggle with intimacy. 

• Physical Health Problems: Chronic stress associated with perfectionism can manifest in various physical symptoms, including headaches and migraines, digestive issues, sleep disturbances, weakened immune system, and increased risk of heart disease.

While growth and development are generally seen as a positive thing, perfectionism kicks things up a notch and pushes things from helpful to detrimental.